Marriage is a beautiful covenant designed by God—one that reflects Christ’s relationship with His Church (Ephesians 5:25-27). But even in Christ-centered marriages, conflict is inevitable. How we handle it, however, can either strengthen the union or create unnecessary division.
If you’re a born-again believer navigating tension in your marriage, here are five crucial things to avoid when facing conflict—along with scriptural guidance to help you walk in grace, truth, and love.
1. Avoid Fighting to Win
Why it hurts: Turning a disagreement into a competition creates winners and losers—but in marriage, when one loses, both suffer.
Biblical wisdom:
“Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.” – Philippians 2:3
Healthy alternative: Seek to understand, not conquer. Focus on resolving the issue, not defeating your spouse.
2. Avoid Harsh or Unfiltered Words
Why it hurts: Words have power. In the heat of conflict, careless speech can cause deep wounds that linger long after the argument is over.
Biblical wisdom:
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” – Proverbs 15:1
Healthy alternative: Pause before speaking. Pray internally, and allow the Holy Spirit to guide your words with gentleness and wisdom.
3. Avoid Bringing Up the Past
Why it hurts: Digging up old wounds prevents healing and makes forgiveness feel conditional. It also shifts focus from the present issue.
Biblical wisdom:
“Love keeps no record of wrongs.” – 1 Corinthians 13:5 (NIV)
Healthy alternative: Deal with the current problem without replaying the past. If there are unresolved issues, address them prayerfully in a separate conversation.
4. Avoid Silent Treatment or Emotional Withdrawal
Why it hurts: Shutting down emotionally creates distance and fear. Silence can feel like punishment rather than peace.
Biblical wisdom:
“Be angry, and do not sin: do not let the sun go down on your wrath.” – Ephesians 4:26
Healthy alternative: If you need space, communicate that clearly. But don’t let conflict fester—commit to coming back together to resolve it in love.
5. Avoid Forgetting That You're on the Same Team
Why it hurts: In moments of frustration, it’s easy to see your spouse as the problem. But forgetting the covenant you share undermines unity.
Biblical wisdom:
“Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” – Mark 10:9
Healthy alternative: Remind yourselves that you’re both striving for the same goal—peace, love, and a godly marriage. Fight with each other, not against each other.
Conclusion
Conflict isn’t the end of intimacy—it’s a test of maturity. As born-again believers, we’re not called to perfection but to progress, led by the Holy Spirit and anchored in God’s Word.
Let love lead. Let humility guide. And let Christ remain the center of your marriage, especially in moments of disagreement.
Discover practical, Spirit-led steps to grow closer in your marriage—click here to continue.
